Epiphany’s, thoughts, and a whole lotta nothing.

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The picture isn’t related to this, but I really fluffing like this xD

This has become a thing hasn’t it? Impromptu posts that I seem to just ramble on about with little to no point to them. But I feel that todays impromptu one is kinda a decent one…for once. And well, It’s discovering what MMO’s and RPG’s mean to me.

I was going to post a really lengthy diatribe on twitter regarding my Tank or DPS shenanigan. It spanned over 1000 characters and it wasn’t untill the end did I decide that it was more blog post worthy than spamming your timelines. But first, I should probably elaborate on what was going on:

To preface: TitanFall 2 had come out and at around 12pm I was able to install it and play it within half an hour (gotta love 200mbs download, even if I only used 15% of that to download it!) Before loading it up and while waiting for it to install, I made a simple prediction. I would grow to love how mobile you are within the game and go back to debating if I wanted to be a more mobile type of person. Here, speed combined with aggression would win the day…and I was partially correct. Partially.

What really happened was I went into the game, picked up the CAR, an SMG, took the Grapple hook Pilot and made sure to have Ronin, one of the most agile Titan’s in the game equipped. And I was barely average. Of course I wasn’t expecting to be the best there ever was instantly, and the real test was to see if I could simply adapt. So began a 6 hour play session (actually the longest I’ve gamed for awhile now, was kinda fun) of blood, sweat and salty tears. Upon the fifth hour I somewhat gave up, slapped a Shotgun on my loadout, changed to the pulse knife so I could have portable wall hacks every so often and started switching between Legion, the tankiest Titan with a big ass minigun, and Ion, a jack of all, master of none type Titan. and suddenly, something seemed to click. I was doing 10x better than I was before. Pilot’s were dropping to my Shotgun, those that didn’t got a boot to the face. my Legion Titan hailed lead upon my foes in a cacophony of sweet sounding mech combat ( totally realise I used cacophony wrong, but It sounds cool!) and if I wasn’t using Lead, I was using lasors with Ion.

But it didn’t feel satisfying.
It was a weird feeling coming away from the game. I loved every second of it, but the frustration of trying to be the smg run and gunner eventually forced me to take a Shotgun just to do well. It left a pit in my stomach while I pondered what the feeling was. Was it that I felt cheap? Not entirely. Shotgun’s are, afterall the masters of close range combat. For someone that is so melee centric in their play-style, it’s the perfect companion at times. (Long range is such a bitch ;_; )
It was then that I realised that I had a perceived skill-ceiling that I had imagined. I /FELT/ less skilful than I did sucking with the smg and Ronin. After all, what did I need to do skill wise than to point my shotgun or giant mini-gun and and click/hold the M1 button?

The feeling then hit me again when I thought about logging into XIV earlier. Was the root cause of the debate, less about what I wanted to do, and more about what I PERCEIVED?

My thought process had suddenly taken an interesting turn when it comes to Tanking or DPS. It’s less about this and that now. I can do either just fine, play either just fine, get into either role just fine. Tanks, sure I get a little anxious when it comes to performance, (although 50% is down to healers as well) but either role I can go in, load up and just do it. I realise that both good Tanks and good DPS’s are important. But on realising that I have this weird artificial view of tanking, on that the skill ceiling is rather high, due to inflation of the importance being a tank, I feel may have been what prompted my split choice on the matter.

Yes, DPS’ers probably do have the highest skill-ceiling in the MMO-verse. Learning optimal rotations, cooldown manage, resource management if the game has such a thing, and so on so forth. The goal to achieve maximum deeps is something every dps is striving for. But then the problem was that, it felt like 70% of the community was gunning for that same goal. It’s hard to feel important, or to stand out within such a large crowd.

Tanking, on the other hand, has the job of knowing the bosses intricately to sync their defensive cooldowns appropriately. Any bozo can spam 1-2-3 for aggro and spam that enough times and you can just do your DPS rotation and good tanks stand out, because they don’t lose the aggro, can use CD’s properly to help the healer’s life a sane one and so on so forth and if they can also achieve maximum deeps? Even better right?

I can totally admit to having more enjoyment as a DPS. It certainly seems that why and also really aware that I don’t stand out.

And I suppose it’s simply me indulging my inner-vain self in that I want to stand out occasionally and then epiphany no.2 seemed to perform a left hook.

For someone like myself, where social interaction in both virtual and reality is a HUGE hurdle when I’m initially introduced to people, and even then, I can only openly be social with a really select few people. General interaction with those that I don’t talk to as often, is difficult as hell, I wanted something to break up the monotony of…just being there. I no longer want every day to be just another day for me. and both MMO’s and RPG’s are a strange way for me to break that feeling.

When it comes to MMO’s, I can totally stand out. I can earn the praise of random individuals from across the globe. I can /FEEL/ like I’m doing more than the usual on the day to day. Tank’s helped me achieve that even more since I am not the only one that puts an over importance on the tanks. Not to say that tanks aren’t important, but I feel that they’re given too much credit or a reputation for what they do. Yet, here I am, wanting to be one of those special people that people need because Tanks are always in demand.
When it comes to general RPG’s, I can take a break from just being a Human being with broken social skills, a body that is somehow still holding itself together despite the numerous issues I seem to have and the crushing emotional baggage I feel I carry. I’m no longer, ‘that guy’ upon entering the world of Tamriel or Thedas. I can be Flynn Silvers – The Honourable and Noble knight, come to save the day once again.

At the end of the day, I feel that’s really what prompted me to really think hard on being a Tank-centric or a DPS-centric player. I wanted to feel more important than I usually do. Boom, instant role for me to do that with.

 

Going forward I’m not entirely sure what to do with this knowledge. I could either tough it out and continue to be a damage dealer, or give into my own silly vanity and just tank.
Autism really is a finicky thing…

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